Long Overdue? DOT Creates New Lane For Reckless Drivers

Secretary of Transportation Mary Peters unveiled a new $270 billion federal project Monday to build special lanes for dangerous and careless drivers on most major U.S. highways.

"These new lanes are for the millions of drivers who can't be bothered with speed limits, turn signal use, or not careening madly out into oncoming traffic," Peters said during the opening ceremony for the first reckless-driving route, a steeply banked, guardrail-lined on-ramp to I-395 outside Arlington, VA. "Whether hell-bent on putting themselves and everyone around them in danger or just drunk off their gourds and out for a simple joyride, America's reckless will no longer be forced to putter along with careful, conscientious, considerate citizens."

Peters then cut the ribbon on the inaugural lane by speeding through it in a rusted-out 1984 Chevy Cavalier, steering with her knees as her left hand held a cup of hot coffee aloft and her right hand slapped her 4-year-old daughter sitting in the back seat.

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zairnaim - 3/13/2008 1:53:27 PM

-6 Boost

thats dumb... they get special lanes with less traffic cause they are bad? It should be the other way around be good you get access to better lanes

EnnNorak - 3/13/2008 6:28:20 PM

+2 Boost

In the old days, during the Duplessis regime in Quebec, they used to build some country gravel roads with the curve banked the wrong way. Crazy drivers simply went off the road and overturned into the bush. This is not a joke, it was the result of corrupt politicians handing out contracts to their friends who had never built a road before.

MadibaP - 3/14/2008 8:29:58 AM

+1 Boost

Yes how stupid are they, hey! Good thing you are not that stupid hey buddy? No one is going to pull anything past you cause you are the sharp end of the sword!!!

sketch - 3/13/2008 2:05:21 PM

+14 Boost

buddy...

its a joke....

damn some people are thick

Agent009 - 3/13/2008 2:09:02 PM

+9 Boost

Yes satire can be a difficult thing to digest..

zairnaim - 3/13/2008 4:13:03 PM

+1 Boost

oh lol

Spectator - 3/13/2008 5:12:18 PM

+2 Boost

No kidding, I thought this was taken from the Onion the second I started reading.

Whelan - 3/13/2008 2:46:38 PM

+4 Boost

Your getting old with comment sarge. I'm a male, 27, engaged and I drive an 05 Toyota Matrix XR AWD. Not a wreckless driver, insurance rates to prove it. So please turn off your caps lock and use the head your mom dropped you on several times to brain blast your ideas before you type them out.

Agent009 - 3/13/2008 3:01:33 PM

+7 Boost

ZAP!- Sarge1 is no more due to his comments...

Audiphile - 3/13/2008 2:46:59 PM

+3 Boost

LOL, 009. April Fool's Day is 19 days away!

sold2early - 3/13/2008 3:00:41 PM

+2 Boost

The April Fool's Day story will be titled "All of Toyota's U.S. plants to become unionized".

That would be even more ridiculous than this story!

PlanB - 3/13/2008 2:48:44 PM

+2 Boost

That is very funny, especially the Bigfoot in the background.

Dustbuster - 3/13/2008 3:06:23 PM

+2 Boost

That would be the only toll-road worth paying for! This is too hilarious!

S4cabriofoxone - 3/13/2008 3:50:54 PM

0 Boost

LOL

pushrod27 - 3/13/2008 5:21:45 PM

0 Boost

funny stuff.

lexusis350 - 3/13/2008 6:03:25 PM

-2 Boost

If you're a careless driver, you aren't going to care which lane you're in. And if you're a drunk driver, well, they probably aren't going to even think about the lane they should be using. This is a waste of money, in my opinion.

pushrod27 - 3/13/2008 6:07:45 PM

+2 Boost

it's a joke.

jpighetti - 3/13/2008 6:18:32 PM

+4 Boost

How could anyone not get this? There's a pic of a mustang (I think...) doing a wheelie and Bigfoot running over a car. Wow. It's a joke folks.

pushrod27 - 3/13/2008 9:00:04 PM

+2 Boost

how could you look at this and think for even a second that it's serious???

I always knew it! Idiots and lexus go together like hennessy and alize.

answer - 3/13/2008 6:08:51 PM

+4 Boost

If it were real, they should set up bleachers every few miles so you could sit and watch the mayhem.

jpighetti - 3/13/2008 6:16:15 PM

+2 Boost

That's hilarious. If you don't read The Onion on a regular basis, you're missing a lot of laugh-out-loud stuff. Here's a couple of other car related "articles".

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/chrysler_halts_production_of

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/nascar_unveils_new_car_of

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30431

http://origin.theonion.com/content/node/38785

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/55167

EL34 - 3/13/2008 8:25:31 PM

+3 Boost

I say who needs lanes to drive in when there are sidewalks :-\

S4cabriofoxone - 3/13/2008 10:55:52 PM

0 Boost

"am i the only one think there are way too many drivers who don't know how to drive on freeway?"

Of course not. What kind of question is that to ask?

Porschinator - 3/13/2008 9:32:03 PM

+2 Boost

AWWWWWWEESUMMM!