It doesn't happen as often as it used to, but Saturday Night Live got it right on the bailout in the sketch they did several weeks ago. Watching the actors playing Wagoner, Nardelli and Mulally explain their "plan" for survival, a plan which amounted to nothing more than a list of dates on which they anticipated asking for money was hilarious.
If you haven't seen the sketch you need to check it out. SNL nailed it in identifying some of the humor behind the financial meltdown we are currently experiencing.
I don't know about you, but I am sick and tired of hearing about all the money flowing out of our pockets into the hands of executives who have mismanaged companies for years and are now holding us accountable for their mistakes.
Agent 001 has thrown several proposals on the table in terms of saving the Big Three, including his gracious offer to take over for GM as CEO. I am not sure he needs or wants that stress, but that doesn't mean we can't have a little fun and throw around some ideas for not just the Big Three, but all of these corporations coming to beg Congress for OUR MONEY.
I put together a list, but I trust that your creative juices will get flowing and quickly add to my list of ideas.
So with that said, in no particular order I offer you my list:
- If you are going to beg Congress for money to fix mistakes you made, I think it should be done on your knees with you wearing kneepads. This idea serves 2 purposes in that it humbles these execs and perhaps might get them to try to solve the problem themselves instead of taking the easy way out.
- CEO's going to Congress to beg for money should have to look into the camera and publicly state, "I am not smart enough to run (insert name of company here)" similar to what losing contestants on "Are you Smarter Than a 5th Grader" are required to do when they lose.
- Any request for money should be accompanied by a letter of resignation along with a proposed replacement.
- As part of any bailout from Congress, the CEO's along with ALL upper level management (and for fun lets define that as anyone working for them making more than $100k a year) be required to drive the least expensive car made by the Big Three. Time spent in these cars will help expedite the creation of competitive cars.
- Mandate that factories only produce enough cars to maintain a 15-20 day supply versus the current 60-90 supply. This would help reduce inventory levels helping to eliminate the need to subsidize through rebate each and every car.
- Current estimates on bailout costs are now close to 2 Trillion Dollars. That equates to $10k each for the approximate 200 million taxpayers. If we each had an extra $10k, I would say that would be a good economic stimulus.
- Stop building cars people aren't buying and focus on what people want.
- Actually conduct focus groups to find out what people want.
- Mandate the Big Three purchase the competitions cars to evaluate what makes them superior in an effort to make their own offerings competitive. I would suggest acquiring a Toyota Camry, Honda Accord, Lexus LS460 and BMW 335i.
Of course these are just a few ideas, why not chime in here and offer some ideas of your own.
We are quickly reaching a point where the only thing to do is to laugh, it can't get much worse (although every time I say that, it does), so lets help out Congress - heck we are the ones to blame for the people we sent there - by giving them the questions and criteria we want fulfilled in handing out our money.