Whew! Russian Luxury Maker Reconsiders Use Of Whale Penis Leather

Believe it or not this actually is supposed to be a press release:

One month ago DARTZ presented uberluxury armored car with whale penis interior - PROMBRON’ (ex.RussoBaltique), lot of people name this car as DARTZ.KOMBAT. As the world’s resonance was very huge and DARTZ got lot of angry e-mails from Greenpeace, WWF and also Pamela Anderson, DARTZ make strong decision to stop their plans regarding such interior.

“We have no any ideas to kill the whale or something like that. All we want - to make just luxury car. Real luxury car which will be world number one car. Our brand was started at 1869 when in Riga was opened Coach Factory or Russo Baltiysky Vagonnij Zavod - PBVZ, and first products was luxury train coaches. At 1907 was made a decision to open Car Department, and at 1909 first car left factory - the name of this car was RussoBalt. This was luxury and sport cars. At 1911 specially for Monaco Rally car got french style name - RussoBaltique. At 1912 factory made world first 4 x 4 wheel drive car, and at 1914 - armored car. All we want to unite luxury and armoring traditions of RussoBalt factory in one car, which brand celebrated 100 years now. At 1922 RussoBalt was renamed to PROMBRON’ (ex.RussoBalt).

We just looking for most expensive products for this car - and that’s why we choosed whale penis leathure when we checked it is most of most. After wave of protest we realised our mistake and make a decision not to use natural leathure at all. We will focus on world most advanced nanotechnologies to achieve interior highest quality using artificial materials which also was never used for cars. We want to tell our hello to all whales: “Our Sea Brothers! We all know that earth are stand on three whales - we will keep You live! We don’t Earth fall down to Ocean!”

Also we make a decision to pay more attention to glass and on our new car model we will use glass which will be made by special technology - from artificial grown chrystals, which will be gold sputerred to cut IR and UV rays, which make driving inconvinient when sun shine.

Best regards,
Leonard F. Yankelovich


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theoptimisticpessimist - 11/10/2009 4:48:25 PM

+6 Boost

And the whales of the world rejoiced!

FanboyOfTheTruth - 11/10/2009 6:11:49 PM

+2 Boost

http://www.autospies.com/news/PROMBRON-The-armored-SUV-that-makes-Hummers-whimper-48924/

JRobUSC - 11/10/2009 6:16:39 PM

+5 Boost

if you moved around in the seat, did it grow from a bucket to a bench? (like the wallet made out of foreskins that when you rubbed it became a suitcase)

topneuro - 11/10/2009 6:42:48 PM

0 Boost

Ricardo Montalvan was not available (dead) for commercial.
“Ah… Whale penis leather!”
“The only thing better than Corinthian leather.”

DinamoR - 11/10/2009 7:40:53 PM

+2 Boost

LOL and probably not just a wale one

answer - 11/10/2009 7:15:17 PM

+2 Boost

Good.

There are way too many weiners on the roads already.

MSP6 - 11/10/2009 8:50:33 PM

+3 Boost

I tought the whales was an endangered species...

I thought only asians where still killing them to improve non-existent sexual perfomances.

sad.

MSP6 - 11/10/2009 11:37:53 PM

+1 Boost

You sound like a penis skin enthousiast

EL34 - 11/11/2009 12:15:48 AM

-2 Boost

It's too bad General Patton wasn't given the order to keep moving the Army right on to Moscow.

pennfootball - 11/11/2009 1:03:52 PM

+1 Boost

He almost did but they killed him before he could re equip the German army with the US army and march into Moscow with 2 of the worlds best armies like he originally planned.

tango - 11/11/2009 1:04:25 AM

+4 Boost

Not that I would buy one sans the penis leather, but frankly, the only dick that should be touching my skin, or even near it for that matter is my own. Dumb idea to begin with.

pennfootball - 11/11/2009 1:02:03 PM

-1 Boost

This is a SHAME a CEO/Russian Mafia/Columbian Drug Lord/African Dicktator should be able to drive and Dicktate with his Russian Made Armored Hummer with Leather seats from the foreskin of a Whale Penis! The cock sucker liberals from the humane society pissed and moaned so much the Russian Company had to remove the good Penis. This Phallic symbol has become a Fallacy...This is Blasphemy!