Has Your Significant Other STOPPED YOU From Buying The Car Of YOUR Dreams?

Wow, blaming a partner for one's own decisions!

I have some unorthodox beliefs. For starters, I believe that I'm responsible for my own happiness. I don't looks to others to make me happy. I don't blame others for how I feel. Chalk that up to "happiness from within." I also take ownership for my preferences, so if I don't like a specific liquor, I don't blame the booze for being a hideous drink; I realize it's just me that doesn't like it. The drink itself is neutral: Neither delightful, nor dreadful.

This applies to partners, too. If I'm compatible with someone, then our relationship will be effortless. We'll appreciate each other, just as we are. The less compatible we are, the more power struggles may show up, or the more a dominant/submissive connection may result. The problem with much of humanity is that we believe "nobody's perfect," and "all relationships require effort." As a result, we willfully enter into relationships that look exactly how we believe they should! We then sacrifice, compromise, and struggle (or giving up begrudgingly), believing that's just the way things are. And that's the life we live :-(

I also believe happiness is more important than "sticking together" with a partner. Many people believe that sticking together will "make them" happy, even though they live a life of compromise, power-struggle, and sacrifice...all with the hope that this will "make them" happy. Howzat workin' for ya?

When I love someone, I do it *freely*, not with chains. I don't want her to do something she doesn't want to, nor do I want her not to do something she wants to. I say, be yourself. Live genuinely and fully, rather than meekly for fear of losing an (incompatible) partner.

A spouse that says to their partner, "If you get your dream car, then I'm outa here," (or some other ultimatum) is really saying, "I need you to behave according to my expectations, otherwise I can't feel good about you." Fair enough. Anyone can ask for what they want. But it requires the partner to *agree* to that, likely out of some fearful motivation, and sacrifice their own happiness to appease their (incompatible) partner. Put in simple terms, it takes one person to build the jail and hold the door open, and the other to agree to enter into it and live in it. Don't blame your partner for your decisions. Be accountable for your thinking, decisions, and actions.

I say to the women in my life, if you like me and I you, then we can walk together, for as long as we *both* enjoy it. But if you don't like me, that's okay too! You can always walk the other way. I'm sure I'll find company who'll likes me and share my passions with me. That'll be a hell of a lot more fun than trying to make someone happy.

Have you ever read "The Prophet" by Kahlil Gibran? In so many words, Gibran states that love is a destroyer. Love tears down what one is and rebuilds that person. Personally, I think he missed an opporunity: Love of another tears down what you are- Love from another rebuilds. The lack of either component results in something rather unpleasant.

The point of that is to say that the act of loving someone may change who you are and what is important to you.

I will say that my mother would never tell my father "No" on such a thing- she has actually told me that my father is the one that works and is entitled to get what he wants. Although I have to say that it is actually my mother who ends up with a new vehicle every two years or so.

cdoke says "…have you ever read "The Prophet"...states that love is the destroyer..."

I have. It's on my kitchen counter! It's not love that is the destroyer. It is what we call "love" that is the destroyer. People say "I love you so much, I need you to promise never to leave me." That's not love. That's a non-abandonment covenant brought on by fear of losing someone. People say. "If you love me, you will X (or wouldn't Y)." That's not love. That's believing we must control others so we can feel better.

Many people believe that happiness comes from external sources; I'd be happy if I was rich, or had status, or became president (or a rock star, or a pro athlete), or found the love of my life. Each one is saying the same thing: I believe I am lacking something and/or I'm flawed, and I look to other things and people to "fix" me, complete me, or make me whole. None of this is inspired by love (for money, or a woman, or an objective). They're inspired by fear (or the lack of money, of not being worthy of another's love, of having others not think well of me). It's our own beliefs and thinking that cause us our own misery.

Sadly, most of us can't love others, because we don't love ourselves. And because we don't love ourselves, we place such high importance on what others think of us, and how they feel about us. That's why the prospect of spousal disapproval is so frightening for many. Well, that and because they have an understanding and expectation than they have entered into a monogamous agreement, and most guys don't want to live a sexless life with a pissed spouse. So again, fear of loss of sex is what motivates them to change their behavior to accommodate their spouse. Yech!

I believe something different. I believe happiness comes from within. Therefore, it's my responsibility to *become* a happy being. Nobody else, and nothing else can do that for me. It's like being a heroin addict who believes he's happy so long as he gets his fix. There is some truth in this. But the greater truth is that he'd be much happier if he learned how to free himself of his dependency on the dope, and becoming happy without it.

If you believe that buying your dream car will make you happy, then you will be perpetuating that myth, always seeking happiness, for as long as you believe this. That said, if you're already happy, you may still elect to aspire to "greater" or different things, not because you believe they'll make you happy or any happier, but just because it's one of the things you enjoy in life.

ok, so you're married or have a gf. maybe the decision to purchase your dream car depends on whether you can meet your other responsibilities first, then have the means to consider the car afterwards.

Ok, money's not problem here. I would get what I wanted regardless of my partner's approval/disapproval - as she would do the same. We drive a lot, why not enjoy what we drive everyday? As long as my car doesn't end up in the shop, I'm happy. But in the end, it just a vehicle...more any will do.

Agree with you, Steve. Recently, I put a deposit on the future GT3 RS (991). You know what my wife of 23 years got me as a present? 4 days at Limerock to go practice in open wheel... She said she was not crazy at the idea of me racing but knew it would make me happy. Simple. Works both ways.

Lets see...a new roof, remodel an antiquated kitchen, college education for three kids, home healthcare for mom, etc etc. No my spouse never given the opportunity to say "yes" !

Her: "of course you can have your 458 Italia, your pleasure is important to me."
Him: "Thank you honey, you're a wonderful wife"
Her: "Now I have a request, can the pool boy come twice a week to clean the pool?
Him: "But honey, we don't have a pool"
Her: "Exactly"

Moral: Don't piss her off over a car, she'll end up owning it in the divorce anyhow.

With a wife like, I'd pay to get rid of her so I could start living! In fact, I did. Several years ago, I was miserable and blaming my wife for my misery. I believed she was to blame because she "wouldn't let" me do what I wanted. I was constantly trying not to piss her off. This is just a pretty way of saying "I had to keep in line to appease her."

My lawyer asked me what I wanted. I told him: my freedom. More than anything, I want to start living my own life, ASAP. My lawyer told me how to do that. Leave her everything in exchange for closure *now*; no support payments. I agreed. Within weeks, I started my new life by starting from in the hole. But I was free.

In retrospect, I realized it wasn't her fault. It was mine, for agreeing to something I didn't want, and then again for doing it over and over, begrudgingly, and thinking this would make me happy. Huh? I was always a free man. I just chose to give up my freedom because I believe that's what you did in a relationship. Sadly, most of us believe this, except we call it "give and take," "the middle ground," etc.

I live a different life now. I live as I see fit. I buy what I want. I go where I want, when I want. I work, or don't work, as I want. This isn't for everyone, I know. I choose not to have a "wife." Instead, I have several lady friends who are happy to be in my life, and who enjoy some part of who I am. The feeling is mutual. The principle is simple: as long as we both enjoy each other's company, then we'll want to be together again, and we will. It's working out beautifully. No ultimatums. No fear. No compromises. No power struggles. If this sounds like BS to you, then I bet you're not doing it, and you just don't believe that others can :-)

Don't ever blame someone or something else for not living the life you want. We are where we are because we've made a series of decisions that have brought us to this exact place. The guy who believes he has no other option than to work the 9-to-5 to support his kids and pay his mortgage, will perceive no other options. The guy who believes he can rewrite his life, does! Ask Timothy Ferris (author of "The 4-Hour Work Week"), who is one of the many who've done it. As Henry Ford once said, "Whether you believe you can, or you believe you can't, you're right."

Answer:
She tried once.......
She is no longer my Significant Other.

Simples

Love is giving up your dreams for 'our' dreams. It is not giving up your 'self' but redirecting your self to the relationship's future growth. The car of your dreams may not be compatible with the relationship's needs in this time frame. That is why you see so many older people buying Vettes and other 'dream' cars late in life when the relationship can sustain such an acquisition.