The new BMW 4 Series is one of the very best new cars I’ve driven this year. There’s nothing it doesn’t do brilliantly. Apart from having a bumpy ride on back roads. But I can forgive BMW that, because the handling is so tight, and it’s not Munich’s fault that British roads are rougher than a Matthew McConaughey snoring fit.
But I don’t want one, even though it’s a beautifully made, refined coupe. And that’s because of how it looks. Not because it’s ugly, per se, but because it’s insecure. This is a car that screams very loudly ‘I’VE GOT A BEE-EMM-DOUBLE-YOU’, and that very fact makes it deeply uncool. If Lionel Messi or Lewis Hamilton got tattoos that read ‘I’m statistically the greatest of all time’ then it would take the sheen off their talent. And that’s what the BMW mega grille does. It broadcasts a vulgar image to the world.
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