Oh, brave new world of electrified excess! While the auto media – that echo chamber of radical progressive Democrats masquerading as gearheads – drools over Porsche's latest virtue signal, the Cayenne EV, one plucky voice dares to whisper the emperor's naked truth: Who the hell is going to buy this thing in the USA? Shoutout to us, the lone ranger in a sea of sycophants actually asking questions that don't come straight from the auto press kits. The rest? They're too busy polishing their free junket invites to notice the crickets chirping on dealership lots.
Let's start with the elephant in the showroom: Porsche's Macan EV. This "entry-level" electric crossover was supposed to be the gateway drug to Porsche's green utopia. Instead, it's gathering dust like a forgotten NFT. Dealers can't give these away – not at $80K a pop, not with range anxiety that rivals a bad Tinder date. Inventory piles up faster than Biden's gaffes, yet the Cayenne EV struts in like its bigger, badder brother: pricier (hello, six figures), heavier, and – get this – saddled with a "krinkled" nav screen that looks like it was designed by a toddler with a potato masher. Because nothing screams luxury like a dashboard that evokes crumpled aluminum foil. What genius at Porsche thought American buyers, already ghosting the Macan, would drop premium cash on an upgraded version of a dud? It's like hawking a supersized Big Mac to vegans – bold, but bonkers.
But here's the real roast: the auto media's willful blindness. These outlets – Car and Driver, MotorTrend, you know the culprits – aren't journalists; they're not journalists anymore. they’re activist junket junkies. Auto giants dangle all-expenses-paid joyrides to Monaco or Monterey, and suddenly every embargoed reveal is "revolutionary!" Never mind the streets, where real Americans are voting with their wallets. EV interest? Cratering. Sales dipped 2% last quarter while hybrids surged 50%. Ford's ditching pure EVs for electrified F-150s; even Toyota's laughing all the way to the bank with its Prius empire. The message is crystal: Hybrids for us, zealots. We want gas mileage without the gridlock of charging stations scarcer than honest politicians.
Yet the media parrots the script: "EVs are the future!" Why? Because admitting hybrids win would shatter their progressive piety. It's easier to virtue-signal from a complimentary Taycan test drive than report the revolt against range roulette and rebate roulette. Tesla? Yeah, they'll limp through – Elon's chaos cult has cultish loyalty. But Porsche? Ford? GM? Their EV dreams are deader than disco, propped up by subsidies and spin.
Wake up, auto press: Ditch the freebies, hit the highways, and ask the hard questions of REAL PEOPLE vs. your delusional hopes of an electric utopia. Or keep jumping when the OEMs say "how high?" – just don't be surprised when readers tune out for TikTok tire reviews. America's not buying your electric fairy tale. They’re buying practicality.
And like the Macan EV, we say It's overhyped, overpriced, and will be overlooked
Deal with it.