In a dimly lit Nissan boardroom, the design team hatched a plan to challenge Tesla’s sleek Model Y. “Let’s make the 2026 Nissan Leaf less exciting!” one executive allegedly cackled, and thus, the new Leaf was born—a crossover so bland it could blend into a parking lot of beige sedans. Gone is the quirky hatchback charm; enter a “slantback SUV-ish egg shape” that screams, “We tried, but not too hard.” With a 303-mile range, it trails the Model Y by 54 miles, and its 214-horsepower motor feels like it’s powered by decaf. The team proudly slapped on a Tesla-compatible NACS port, but the 150 kW charging speed is like bringing a scooter to a drag race. Styling? Think knockoff Z sports car vibes with a “katana blade” roofline that cuts no ice. The dimming panoramic roof is neat, but it’s like putting a cherry on a mud pie. Priced in the mid-$30,000s, it’s cheaper than Tesla, but you get what you pay for—a Leaf that’s less electrifying than a AA battery. Nissan’s bold strategy? Underwhelm and overpromise.