In a twist no one saw coming, Elon Musk has taken the reins of DOGE—not the cryptocurrency, mind you, but the Department of Government Efficiency—leaving car buyers everywhere clutching their steering wheels in suspense. The burning question on every eco-conscious mind: What’s climate warrior Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez going to do with her Tesla now that Musk, the electric car messiah, is cozying up to the bureaucratic dark side?
AOC, the Green New Deal’s poster child, has long been a vocal advocate for saving the planet—one reusable straw at a time. Her Tesla, presumably a sleek Model 3 with a “Tax the Rich” bumper sticker, was once the ultimate virtue signal: zero emissions, progressive vibes, and a subtle flex on Big Oil. But with Musk now steering DOGE under a Trump administration, the Tesla’s halo has dimmed faster than a solar panel in a blackout. Will AOC ditch her electric chariot for something more… combustion-y?
Picture this: AOC rolling up to the Capitol in a Chevy Tahoe, windows down, exhaust roaring like a dragon with indigestion. “It’s not hypocrisy,” she might argue, adjusting her aviators. “It’s irony—the only way to fight Musk’s betrayal is to guzzle gas and make Big Oil cry!” Sure, the Tahoe gets 15 miles per gallon on a good day, but who needs efficiency when you’re sticking it to the man who once promised Mars but delivered… government paperwork?
Meanwhile, Tesla fanboys are sobbing into their vegan leather seats, and Tahoe salesmen are dusting off their “AOC Special” pitch. Will she sell? Will she swap? Or will she just slap a “Powered by Rage” sticker on her Tesla and call it a day? The planet—and Twitter—waits with bated breath.